The Mind and Heart Disconnect

Why does it often seem that our minds are often in contention with our hearts? I know that I definitely don't need the Crunch ice cream bar on the trip home from Bishop, but my heart (or is it stomach?) calls out for it. The heart often wins.

What I'm specifically referring to is the end to my most recent relationship (number way-too-many). There are so many ways in which breaking up was absolutely the right thing to do, and I have enumerated lists with extensive supporting arguments to convince myself of this, yet I still feel hurt and sad at times. My preferred method of coping with this seems to be to blot out any reminder of the relationship. It seems that my heart relies on my mind to know what it should have feelings about, so at least there's some control. But it's impossible to not be reminded of it, and sometimes the mind gets out of control and relives the past. Thereby this blog post.

So what's with the disconnect between mind and heart? I think part of it is feeling sad over the loss of someone I was previously close to. I guess if you give a piece of your heart to someone, knowing that you shouldn't have after the fact doesn't restore that fragment back to you. For me, I think it also hurts because I know the ex is totally over it, and doesn't give a damn whether or not I'm sad or happy, enraged or indifferent. That causes hopelessness, and that's a feeling that's hard to get over.

Mostly, I'm sad about yet another failed relationship. I don't really like introducing guys to my family, only to tell them a few months later that it's over. Wouldn't it be nice if I was able to manage a relationship that lasts longer than a year? And so on.

This all goes along nicely with my quarter-life crisis though, doesn't it (more on that later)? I think my header promised to keep the emotional drama at bay, but there you go.

"... the heart's memory eliminates the bad and magnifies the good, and ... thanks to this artifice we manage to endure the burden of the past."

Love in the Time of Cholera